How does foster care adoption work

You keep mentioning reunification with parents. Tell the truth. No one in this agency cares for the kids. We are a national non-profit organization dedicated to education, resources, and supports for adoptive, foster, and kinship families. Second: there ARE employees in the system who DO care for the kids — there are MANY who are dedicated, passionate professionals who work tirelessly for the kids, and for improvements to the system.

Call , a trusted family friend, teacher or clergy person. We are a resource and education organization and cannot offer more than that advice.

But we are sending you our best wishes and thoughts and prayers for safety and healing. We were not told any of this… Our adoption process was 3 years long and full of ups and downs. We went into this process totally naive. This whole experience was extremely challenging, as our agency did not give us the true story about how everything really worked….

While it might seem like too much to take on a foster kid, I can say from personal experience that most would give both their legs for a family.. You lose a lot of opportunities by not having a family, even chances to make your own in the future will always be tainted by the fact you grew up without one.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. It strikes me that foster families do such foundational work when they go about the business of teaching trust and trustworthiness, healthy coping skills, and how to live in a community. There are NO perfect foster families — just as there are no perfect families period. But yes, I dare say most kids would take those imperfections quite happily if the alternative is no one to be there for them or with them. We adopted from foster care.

We were not foster parents. We adopted two boys, biological brothers, ages 15 and To make a very long story short, the oldest one left us just before his 19th birthday and went back to his biological family.

The youngest stayed with us a couple more years but ended up going back to their biological family as well. It was devastating. No one warned us that this could happen. We have our daughter who is definitely ours.

They left. It has been several years so I have come to terms with it, and the pain has subsided, but going through it was heartbreaking.

I cannot imagine how your heart must grieve. I hope you continue to find healing and that your daughter brings you joy. Thank you for reaching out and being vulnerable with your story. Thank you for sharing your story. Foster care is a tricky and emotional program.

Warnings should be made to foster parents and foster kids. I have a friend whose two sons were taken away from her and adopted in the foster system. They are grown now and have made contact with their bio mother, although they legally remain with their adoptive parents. I hope you know you made a difference to these boys and their bio parents. Bless you for all you do.

My husband and I just barely started our journey with foster Care. We both decided to do this after we got together before marriage 10 yrs ago. Since he was a kid he wanted to foster because a lot of friends he knew and wanted to help in some way. I chose foster care because I have always been an individual that wanted to help people, also yes I cannot have children and we are OPEN to adoption but not necessarily wanting adoption right away.

Saying this we have received our first placement 4 months ago. The baby was only 4 days old and this is not the first child for bio-mom.

She has 4 other children that went to foster care and now are permanently with the father. The child we currently have is not from the same father. She wanted to terminate parental rights. Now she has flipped. Saying all this yes we are open to Adopt this child, at the same time we have been asked by different social workers if given the chance would will consider adoption.

In this instance the mom knows how the system works and seems to be using it to her advantage which we feel is unfair to HER child. Yes we love him, we have grown attached to him and our families have also. For us IF she proves that she works her plan stays sober and maintains a positive environment it will hurt us to see him go but in the end we believe that every child belongs to be with their bio-family.

At least in this household we consider ourselves part of the bio-moms team. So, reunification is good if domestic but not international? Methinks a double standard is at work here. Are people in 3rd world countries somehow less entitled to reunify?

Frankly, I have a much better solution. Democratize assisted reproductive technology to make it affordable for all not simply the privileged. Encourage embryo adoption: subsidize it, in fact. Lift age restrictions on gestation and allow people who want to parent to do so.

Forcing any woman who wants to parent children to remain a nonparent is the most cruel and vicious behavior anyone can display. This palaver that we should waste the lives of children by confining them to temporary foster care for endless years until mom or dad or gramps or half-brother twice removed gets their act together sufficiently to form a semblance of a family unit is very sad in my view. I wish I could sue every social worker in the USA for gross myopia and stupidity in not advocating immediate termination of parental rights in clearcut abuse cases like sexual abuse, beatings, or drug abuse, but that is a different issue.

BTW, after the tsunami hit Sri Lanka, good hearted people donated to permit women in that impoverished nation to raise children way after they had passed their fertile years. Apparently, they felt the local culture made motherhood imperative there. Assisted reproduction is very comprehensive today, albeit quite expensive. Kids belong with their families as much as is possible given the fragile and often broken structures in every system.

I think that the infrastructures in place in those places is far less sound and robust enough to handle all the myriad complications and steps to the process. My wife and I adopted from foster care. Based on these comments, I wanted to make several observations:.

We knew there were a lot of children who age out of the system, and having our own biological kids when that case felt selfish to us Not judging people having bio-kids. We started with the mindset of adoption, and only wanted legally free placements parental rights already terminated and kids over the age of 4.

We were called about a boy and girl, siblings that had been removed multiple times and were told the parental rights were terminated. We told them to bring the kids, and, upon arriving, we found out that the rights were not terminated. So, we had to make a shift in our mindset really quick, because the kids were right there and very sweet, adorable ones at that. We took them in, knowing that the CPS goal was reunification. It was a tragedy. She got so many extensions and second chances it was bordering on comical.

A couple of people on these comments feel that children are being stolen. I saw two kids being handed back to a mother who had participated in pimping out her daughter, for example, because the woman went to counseling and passed some drug tests her service plan , just for example.

I also understand, and respect, that their first goal is family reunification. They should err on the side of the bio family, and that has been my experience with them. Literally one day the guardian ad litem showed up and asked us if we were willing to adopt them- this was before rights were terminated, but when CPS was going to switch their goals. I paused for just a half second at the question, and she judged me a bit.

She told me I should have been more certain, but I had not considered it as a permanent placement until that moment. My wife and I did take them, and our kids are wonderful, and blameless in this whole process we did not have the horror stories, just an adjustment period when the kids arrived and we had to learn, as new parents, how to provide structure. We ended up adopting the kids from our first placement and never had any serious issues.

They are smart, healthy, affectionate, and we are lucky to be their parents. However, it was challenging, and, at times, we had to have the mindset of the temporary home, and then only later the permanent one. My suggestion to whoever considers this process is just to be open to altering your mindset to fit the needs of the kids. Thank you, Robert, for sharing your experiences and your observations. Glad to hear your family is growing well and healthy — your points about understanding and meeting the needs of your children are well taken.

Thanks for reading! And I agree — there are plenty of awesome little humans waiting in the foster system for moms and dads to help them grow that strength and character in healthy ways to become awesome big humans! Robert my friends are going through this situation now and it is heart breaking to watch.

They have a child they brought home from the hospital because she was addicted to drugs. They have spent the last 20 months doing an amazing job parenting this child while the mom does very little to comply. Did you have a lawyer? Or do you have any advice for them. The system is so broken. Additionally, the foster mother should be careful to make detailed notes of any unusual or concerning issues once the little one is home from the visit.

Reunification is, of course, the goal at the start of any foster relationship and foster mom has her work cut out for her when addiction is involved.

The foster mom should expect that the baby will need extra nurture and attachment-focused attention when returning to the foster home. If the foster mother is open to it, there are a few resources here that might be of support to her while in this relationship with the birth family.

I have seen and heard some real shitty things from the county foster care system. The workers within should be scrutinzed at the same level as the foster parents they certainly were not here or this crazy lady wouldnt be in charge of all the kids and the workers who are too afraid to go against anything she tells them to say or do. Has that happened to you — that falsifying of reports? That sounds awful and I wonder what steps you took to report it?

I would even go so far as to write summaries of in-person conversations or phone calls in an email to all parties involved. Most caseworkers are doing the very best they can with a very limited amount of resources and support. It probably feels pretty messed up to those who are doing it for the kids, too!

We see and read lots of successful fostering a child adoption stories on the internet and many children waiting for their supportive families and I hope they find them soon. All of them did so with a desire to adopt and though they were open to reunification, in all of the cases, the parental rights were either voluntarily signed away or were severed after months of no-show visitations and court hearings.

So yes, you can adopt from foster care. I saw 8 children adopted by forever families. Two were older one 6 and one The rest were infants. I forgot to add that some parents do voluntarily sever their parental rights upon the birth of their child. I saw one child placed through foster adopt this way. Also, several friends struggled with infertility. Yes, it may be a struggle sometimes but they were all aware of the risk. Yes, there is a wide range of what can happen within the system but certainly infants being surrendered to foster care at birth is not the norm.

I reside in New York State, I began fostering over 20 years ago after growing up and watching my grandmother and mother foster children. It is a way to give back to my community. My first set of children I had for 4 years and then one day they were moved to a new foster home. I was devastated to say the least.

But I continued at it with a different mind set. My different mindset was to remember that 1. The children were not mine to keep.. No matter what the parent was going through they in most cases loved their child but loved their addiction as well. Many thought I lost my mind. In actuality I did it for selfish reasons. It gave me a peace of mind watching them learn how to care for themselves and children. If the child went home it opened the door to have the parent use me as a resource and allowed me to see the child grow.

If child was adopted I had a wealth of info I could give. All children I brought home from hospital in foster care, all children that I know who their birth family are. None of my adoptions have any stipulations which require me to maintain any contact. My children ages now 17,12 and 3. The oldest 2 know who their birth family are.

My oldest has chosen to have some verbal contact while my 12 year old will ask to drive by and look from a distance from time to time. I always tell people if you remember first and foremost that a foster child is not yours but a child you have been blessed to nurture for a time. In NYS a child is in care for 15 months before rights can be terminated.

I am 30 years old and never considered what impact my parents decision had on my life. Until reading about adoptions tonight. They adopted 2 biological sisters when I was I was intensely afraid of my cat growing to be bonded to new siblings instead of me. It would cause me to react with severe jealousy and possessiveness. I never ended up bonding well with my adopted sisters , but I did bond very well with drugs over the next few years.

Of course in my last marriage I got a new dog, and was afraid he would bond to my husband, and abandon me. It would cause me to act more insane than anything ever has.

An only child should be the last person on earth to fear abandonment, I would think, if both parents stayed together through life. When I was very young I worshipped my dad, no one I can imagine has ever been more excited for their dad to come home than I was. I felt nothing when she first said it because adopted children face far more issues, obviously.

Then again…I struggle daily with heroin and meth addiction. Take from this what you will because I am unsure of all the connections myself and yes, my decisions are my own. I do not blame anyone. It just sorta…hurt. Demi, it does sound very hurtful. Thank you for sharing vulnerably. Hopefully, folks will take your struggles to heart and recognize the need to be aware of and ready for the needs of their bio kids during the adoption process as well.

Thank you for reading and for sharing. I appreciate you sharing your feelings. I do think families with biological kids need to be careful with this process. It hurt him too. I also know that my kids, who were adopted through foster care, recognized that they had been treated different than the biological kids at the previous foster home.

Well, needless to say that did not help the development of either set of kids. One group was jealous, the other was entitled. It is tough. I can see where you are coming from, although I am sure your parents never meant to abandon anyone. If we had had biological kids it would have been a lot trickier to raise our kids without there being some kind of perceived preferential treatment to one group or the other. It is messy. They will hate the foster family, as they should, and everything they knew will be destroyed.

All so foster parents could keep the baby they always wanted, even though no abuse was alleged and no charges were filed, and the older children were raised by the parents. Foster parents who come into the system to adopt should never be allowed to adopt any child they foster. Maybe if they revamped the system so you could nurture the children and get them ready for reunification, but not keep them yourself the children would be better off.

Any young child coming up for adoption should be placed with a new family plain and simple. Certainly, any removal of a child from their birth family leaves wounds. Worse when it is unwarranted as you are indicating. You have some valid points about the needs of the system and how to work toward and prepare for reunification.

Ultimately, kids need the safety and trust that comes of permanence; and those who are legally free or moving toward that should be given the chance for permanence. I think there is a valid place in the system for the foster-to-adopt track.

Parents can and should have an opportunity to reunify with their children. They likely have bonded with the foster family. For infants it may be the only family they know…those children should be taken from a good home to be adopted into a different home? Unecessary trauma. The court process mostly involves CPS and your lawyer, and very little of the parent who is suspected of whatever bad behavior.

With no meaningful oversight, the agency is allowed to function as it wills, which means it is dependent on those higher up in the agency to run a moral, ethical unit or not. The children are not the counties first focus it is the supposedly offending parent that is their first focus! There are numerous instances of wrongfully removed children. CPSs have a tremendous amount of power and checks and balances are horrifically null. It is highly common for judges to simply rubber stamp what the CW recommends.

Am I right? If this is the case…. Be happy and grateful that someone is loving and taking great care of those kids. But whatever her experiences, she does have some valid points about the challenges of the system. As I said in my initial comment to her, regardless of the intentions of folks fostering, kids still need the safety and trust that comes of permanence; and those who are legally free or moving toward that should be given the chance for permanence.

It seems as though you speak from some experience. Obviously I do not know your situation, but I do know my own, and how it works in my own state. Foster parents are licensed to be foster and adoptive parents separately. If you want to ever be considered, you must get both, and it is easier to do at the same time. Are their children that fall through the cracks, absolutely, on both sides. Some birth parents are not given the appropriate help they need.

Others are reunified with absolutely no reasoning behind it. Birth parents are the only ones entitled to legal representation during hearings. The only other lawyer is the county attorney. DHS will give testimony, and it is up to the birth parents if they wish to refute that testimony.

Foster parents are not even entitled to legal representation until after parental rights are terminated. A judge makes the decision to reunify, extend care, or terminate. That verdict is subject to appeal. It is the right of both parents to file an appeal, and that will be heard at the state level by the appellate court. Once the termination is upheld, then relatives are investigated for potential adoption or guardianship.

If they are approved a board of people will make a decision of what is in the best interest of the child. Only after that decision is made are the foster parents entitled to any legal advice from council. Adoption from the foster system is not a quick process, it is not an easy process. Fostering can not be taken lightly, and you need to enter into it know you may be asked to adopt. Every single child that has gone through my home is one of my kids. I have always done everything I can to ensure that the birth parents get the best opportunity they can to show they are ready for the responsibility.

The attitude you able toward foster parents is absolutely disgusting. What do you propose we do with the children who can not be reunified? Separate them yet again, inflict more trauma, and make their lives even worse. That is definitely not better than leaving them in a monitored and licensed home of people who have already built a bond and trust with the child.

Again, it sounds like you possibly had a bad experience in your own life, but do not use that to judge everyone involved.

I was open to sisters or a little girl 7 or younger. We live in Florida and we attended MAPP classes after years of infertility, closed doors on private domestic and international adoption.

Adopting from foster care was our final opportunity to become parents. Well, if the MAPP classes were designed to scare people like us away, they were most successful in doing that. From day one we were told horror stories of kids with RAD, violent outbursts, poop-smearing on walls, self-cutting, animal abuse, and open masturbation on furniture.

They made it sound like we could almost expect issues like these. We were made to feel guilty, selfish and not cut out for this, simply because we wanted a child who is capable of loving us back. We only made it to the 3rd class. Now we are childless and it is the heartbreak of my life. Wrong — they need people who are called by God, and gifted with the skills and abilities to handle a child who has been through severe trauma, and have the connections to be able to find best the professional help that no doubt these children will need.

So just stop, please. We are so sorry that your venture into foster care was not a good experience. We happen to believe, here at Creating a Family, that even through trauma behavior and difficult starts to their lives that can leave hurting little hearts, the kids are still wonderful. Each child is deserving of a loving, safe home where they can heal and go on to thrive.

And YES, they do need people who are well-equipped and ready to handle the hard stuff that they bring along with them. Adoption is both painful and beautiful — for the kids, for those who love them, and for those who work to find them what they need. Many of us find that as that help is accessed, once that family is formed and committed to working together, the kids learn how to love back.

We wish you well in your journey to build your family — whatever path that might be for you. Some kids who are in foster care are really hard to handle, yes. But, compared to what? If you gave birth to a child if your own, do you assume that child will be easy to parent?

Every child struggles with something, even children you give birth to. Some have learning challenges, sensory processing issues, all sorts of things that will test your patience and take all your strength to raise them.

I adopted my daughter from foster care when she was 7. Kids in foster care are completely adoptable. Since reunification is the goal of foster care, as discussed here, I asked for a child who was already available for adoption. I agreed to take her without ever meeting her. If you want to be a parent, go get a child and be a parent. I did it, and I did it as a single parent. These families give their hearts to a child, not knowing if the child will be returning to a birth family or if he or she will become legally-free for adoption.

While some of our Foster-Adopt placements result in finalized adoptions, it is important to understand that this outcome is not guaranteed. Again, Foster-Adopt parenting is about the child. COPARC strives to strengthen families by providing a safe place to receive support, resources and understanding. The Garfield County Post-Adoption Services Program was created in to provide support to families who have adopted children.

The program currently serves families who have adopted through the child welfare system and reside in Garfield County. It is important to remember that the purpose of the foster care system is to serve as a temporary safe haven for children who cannot live with their biological families while their parents become stable, safe caregivers.

Most children who experience life in foster care return to their biological families. This process allows the child to be adopted through the foster care system without custody being granted back to their biological family. Adoptions Together helps families to adopt from foster care by preparing them for the realities of parenting a child who has experienced life in the foster care system, completing their home study , and completing their required hour foster care adoption training.

Once your home study is approved and you have identified your ideal adoption opportunity, your foster child adoption process will continue with the most crucial step: finding the right waiting child.

Your social worker will search through photo-listings of children waiting in the California foster system. Our agency only works with low-risk legal placements, meaning a child placed with you will be imminently ready for adoption.

If your social worker locates available children who appear to meet your adoption preferences, their information will be presented to you for consideration. Remember, you will never be forced to accept any placement unless you believe it is right for your family. Your social worker will coordinate with you to find the right child for your family.

If you are interested in a potential adoption opportunity that has been presented to you, your social worker will submit an inquiry to the appropriate county social worker. That social worker will decide whether your family will be a good fit for that child, based on your application materials and home study information. During this step of the foster care adoption process in California, an additional disclosure meeting will be scheduled to learn more facts about the child.

If you wish to proceed after that disclosure meeting, your social worker will organize in-person meetings and visits with the child to help you get to know each other before you commit to accepting the placement. During this time, you will get to know one another and adjust to your new life as a family. Both your social worker from FCCA and the county social worker will visit your home and the child at least once a month to ensure that the placement is going well.

Your social worker will privately interview your child and review the foster care certification checklist to ensure ongoing compliance with state regulations.